Statistics and unanswerable questions

Nobody really cares about statistics until you become one.  But we are one of those statistics. One of those small, tiny statistics.

I have been in a state of perpetual ‘why’ since Eddie left us. Why was a seemingly happy and healthy boy taken away from us? Why us? Why Eddie? Why do we not have an answer? Why, in this day and age with modern medicine being so advanced, does this still happen? Why me? Why is life so cruel and unfair? Why not someone else? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Eddie was perfection in a not so perfect way which is why he was perfect to us. He was happy, he was grumpy, he cried. A lot. He kept us up all night and made me cry too, from exhaustion. But when it came to 6am and the sun started to rise, his smile and his gurgles would make my heart melt. It didn’t matter that he had kept me awake all night long. As soon as I saw him smiling, it didn’t matter at all.


3 responses to “Statistics and unanswerable questions

  • Jeanette

    Hi. My family, my life, my baby girl is also a statistic. She died suddenly, and without explanation on July 1st. She was three weeks old. I so appreciate your posts. You have described exactly how I feel. I don’t know what to do. My four year old daughter and husband are asleep. It’s 2:30 am and I can’t sleep. I feel so lonely and I miss her so much. What should I do? I just want someone to tell me how to fix myself. I know no one can, but it doesn’t stop me from irrationally wanting it. I irrationally want so many things right now. I have been thinking about how the person I was before is gone forever. I have been thinking about all the things she will never get to experience, all the beauty in the world. How are you now? Do you have hope?


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