return

I have taken a bit of a break from writing over the past few weeks. It was needed. I found myself in a negative spiral of self-pity and I didn’t want to use this platform to put those feelings in print. I needed some time to grieve privately whilst still relying on the support of close friends and family.

That’s not to say everything is ok now. This journey of grief is long, unpredictable, and quite frankly, exhausting. We have some testing months ahead of us with Christmas, Eddie’s birthday and his anniversary all fast approaching. We are terrified of facing these firsts without him.

Tragically, we have no choice.

Despite this, there is no doubt we are learning more coping mechanisms, to make our lives more manageable. We can wear our masks of normalcy with much more ease these days. Only those closest to us know that on the inside, we are desperately sad and our hearts are still broken.

The coping mechanisms we have learnt are like shields for our armoury. They protect us. But sometimes grief is powerful and knocks us down most unexpectedly. And when we fall down, our hope comes tumbling down with us. So we pick ourselves up. Because if we don’t have hope, what do we have?

In stark contrast to our grief, last week was quite a big achievement for our charity, Teddy’s Wish. We launched the website with the help and support of some truly amazing people. We also announced 3 fundraising projects we have been able to fund, which would not have been possible if it weren’t for the incredible generosity of others.

We hope these funds will go some way to help try and answer those recurring questions of how and why tragedies like ours can occur. We have to find answers so in time, there will be no more grieving parents.The charity has been set up because of Eddie but it is also for Eddie. We want to keep his memory alive. And more than that, we hope we will always make him proud of his mummy and daddy.

(our website can be seen here: http://www.teddyswish.org)

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5 responses to “return

  • Geraldine pusey

    Hello Jen. Your husband is a friend/colleague of Tom Salmon. I work with Tom’s wife, Debbie. Debbie shared your terribly sad news with me a couple of months ago when my daughter Gemma’s baby girl was born, past term, asleep. Devastating in every way and life changing in a way we never dreamt possible.

    Reading your blog really touches my heart. The words could have been written by Gemma. Your thoughts and emotions are identical. Gemma has read your blog over and over and has helped her in some small way.

    I’ve thought of you and Chris every day since and wanted to message you but there aren’t any words of comfort or encouragement to be found. I feel inadequate as a mum because I can’t find the right words for my daughter or son in law all I can do is hug them and tell them I love them very much and truly feel their loss and sadness. My heart is breaking for a granddaughter I so longed for and seeing Gemma and Michael suffering so is beyond heartbreaking. I say these things because I want you to know I truly understand your loss and what you are going through.

    It comes from deep within my heart when I say I wish you strength and courage over the coming months and prey the future brings the contentment and happiness you so deserve.

    Much love.
    Geraldine xxx

    Like

  • Helen White

    Hi Jen, I have been following your charity and blog for a few weeks now and have sat here in tears reading your heartbreaking posts. You and Chris are so incredibly strong, and I think that what you are doing, with the charity, in honour of your son is truely inspirational. I hope it goes from strenght to strength and that one day, maybe in my lifetime, there will be no more victims of SIDS.

    I was listening to some music today and this song came on, it made me think of you and your darling little boy, as well as all the other angel babies taken too soon.

    I hope that the future brings you hope and happiness.xxx

    I just cant believe your gone
    Still waiting for morning to come
    When I see if the sun will rise, in the way that your by my side
    Well we got so much in store
    Tell me what is it I’m reaching for
    When were through building memories ill hold yesterday in my heart
    In my heart

    They can take tomorrow and the plans we made
    They can take the music that we never played
    All the broken dreams take everything
    Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
    They can take the future that we’ll never know
    They can take the places that we said we will go
    All the broken dreams take everything
    Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday

    You always choose to stay
    I should be thankful for everyday
    Heaven knows what the future holds, or least where the story goes
    I never believed until now
    I know I’ll see you again I’m sure
    No its not selfish to ask for more
    One more night one more day one more smile on your face
    But they cant take yesterday

    I thought our days would last forever
    But it wasn’t our destiny
    Cause in my mind we had so much time, but I was so wrong
    No I can believe that
    I can still find the strength in the moments we made
    I’m looking back on yesterday

    All the broken dreams take everything
    But they can never have yesterday

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jen Reid (Jen Spencer)

      Hi Helen, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing this with me. The lyrics are so lovely x

      Liked by 1 person

    • shyn43

      Helen,
      I Just want to say that your words are comparable to a warm coat on a freezing cold day.
      You Took time out of your Life to comfort Jenny and Chris During one of the worst experiences in their Lives.
      The Depth of your compassion can be seen in the abundance of your Thoughtful comforting words.
      Thank you Helen for caring.
      Best wishes from Trevor

      Like

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