Tag Archives: change

work

I made a big decision this week. I handed in my notice to work. They have been incredibly supportive to me since Eddie died but after deliberating for months on whether I should go back or not, I finally made a decision. I couldn’t go back.

When I walked, or waddled to be precise, out of the doors before starting my maternity leave, my life was full of so much hope. Everyone wished me luck with the birth and I promised to bring Eddie into the office after he was born. I was so excited to introduce my beautiful baby boy to my work colleagues but sadly they never got to meet him.

When something as life changing as this happens to you, some people need certainty and stability. I would normally have fallen into that camp, being so fearful of change. Now, I feel the need to change everything in my life.

Going back to work would have felt like nothing has changed at all. But everything has. Especially me.


seasonal changes

In the early days after Eddie died, I remember feeling strangely in tune with the weather. It oddly made me feel better when it was grey and miserable outside. We then entered one of the hottest summers on record and I felt annoyed. And aggrieved. How dare the sun shine bright when my life was so sad and gloomy!

Over the past couple of weeks, the weather has shifted and taken on an autumnal feel. It’s still August but winter is looming. In my melancholy state, I should be looking forward to the colder months ahead. But I sit here, dreading the change of season. The heavy rain over the weekend, the anticipation of shorter days and longer nights, simply serves to intensify my grief and my sorrow.

Now I long for Summer and some brightness in my life.


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