In an earlier blog post of mine, I wrote about connecting with other bereaved parents. All bereaved parents speak of an elite club we are now part of. Not through choice.
I met another bereaved mother a few weeks ago. I immediately connected with her without consciously knowing that she, too, had lost her son to SIDS. We discovered our shared loss later on, via email. It’s uncanny how grief unwittingly draws you to people.
In her email, she said “one can always spot a parent that has gone through the death of their child a mile off… there always seems to be a light out in our eyes”
So sad. So true. But maybe one day, that light will be re-ignited.
Yesterday was Chris’s first day back at work. Up until now, we have been coming to terms with Eddie’s loss, together. Although men and women grieve differently, there was comfort in the knowledge that Chris was with me every day. Now we tread the path of grief separately. I know he found it difficult going back to work and I miss him terribly but it’s the first step back into the real world. And that world is now seen through a different lens.
On Tuesday, we were kindly offered tickets to Wimbledon from a close friend of ours. It was a day out which we would normally get really excited about but it was tinged with sadness. Whilst it was nice to watch the tennis, Chris said Wimbledon will miss out on the greatest player that never was. As will the England cricket team and England rugby team…
I feel like I have been catapulted into a new life and I am still trying to make sense of it all. Filling up the days are harder than it used to be but I am trying to keep myself busy. Coffee meet ups and lunches with other new mums have been replaced with coffee meet ups and lunches with bereaved mums who are bound by the same loss as me. It’s strange, I feel like I belong to an exclusive new club. It’s by invitation only; you wouldn’t want to join unless you were asked to. But I find great comfort in meeting women who I otherwise wouldn’t have met and there is an instant connection. Tragic, but instant.