Tag Archives: crying

My new normal

My new normal is sleeping through the night uninterrupted by feeds and cries

My new normal is not bothering to wear mascara anymore so my tears don’t smudge my eyes

My new normal is not filling up the diary with social arrangements months in advance

My new normal has no control over luck, fate and chance

My new normal is filled with uncertainty and dread

My new normal is the time of day I most look forward to is going back to bed

My new normal is not feeling connected with friends, however hard they try

My new normal is connecting with other bereaved parents as they understand why

My new normal is being out but feeling like I have left something behind

My new normal is without Eddie, but he will always be in my heart and my mind

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Statistics and unanswerable questions

Nobody really cares about statistics until you become one.  But we are one of those statistics. One of those small, tiny statistics.

I have been in a state of perpetual ‘why’ since Eddie left us. Why was a seemingly happy and healthy boy taken away from us? Why us? Why Eddie? Why do we not have an answer? Why, in this day and age with modern medicine being so advanced, does this still happen? Why me? Why is life so cruel and unfair? Why not someone else? Why? Why? Why? Why?

Eddie was perfection in a not so perfect way which is why he was perfect to us. He was happy, he was grumpy, he cried. A lot. He kept us up all night and made me cry too, from exhaustion. But when it came to 6am and the sun started to rise, his smile and his gurgles would make my heart melt. It didn’t matter that he had kept me awake all night long. As soon as I saw him smiling, it didn’t matter at all.


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