I am back at work. Back in an environment where I can temporarily remove myself from my grief and switch in to work mode. Like an actor, I know my script well and I can perform. My mask is firmly on and has little space for manoeuvre.
I am working part-time for my sister’s company and I feel fortunate to be in an emotionally comfortable environment. But the biggest upside is being surrounded by adults. No kids. No babies. No danger of me bumping into buggies. It’s actually quite refreshing.
The rest of my time will be dedicated to our charity, Teddy’s Wish. The charity is where Chris and I feel most in balance as it allows us to move forward and grieve at the same time.
But there is still a long journey ahead of us, as we tentatively take each day at a time. Slowly we put one foot in front of the other. And at the forefront of our mind, is our darling baby boy. With us every step of the way.
For some reason I can’t get the song, ‘friends will be friends’ by Queen out of my head today. Totally random, I’m not even a Queen fan. But Chris is, and according to him, it was one of their worst songs.
But I think there is something quite apt about it as my mind wanders to friends who are travelling on this journey with us. Not on the same train as us, but on parallel tracks.
Grieving is a solitary process and as much as they try, our friends and family are unable to take away our excruciating pain. But the friends who are able to provide some sense of normalcy in our upside down world; the ones who are able to provide some light in our darkness and have the ability to make us laugh, even for just a moment, I thank you. The friends who just listen, or who text and call without expecting a response, who don’t give up on us, thank you all for just being there. Wholeheaterdly.
“When you’re through with life and all hope is lost,
Hold out your hand cos friends will be friends right till the end’