Tag Archives: Teddy’s Wish

return

I have taken a bit of a break from writing over the past few weeks. It was needed. I found myself in a negative spiral of self-pity and I didn’t want to use this platform to put those feelings in print. I needed some time to grieve privately whilst still relying on the support of close friends and family.

That’s not to say everything is ok now. This journey of grief is long, unpredictable, and quite frankly, exhausting. We have some testing months ahead of us with Christmas, Eddie’s birthday and his anniversary all fast approaching. We are terrified of facing these firsts without him.

Tragically, we have no choice.

Despite this, there is no doubt we are learning more coping mechanisms, to make our lives more manageable. We can wear our masks of normalcy with much more ease these days. Only those closest to us know that on the inside, we are desperately sad and our hearts are still broken.

The coping mechanisms we have learnt are like shields for our armoury. They protect us. But sometimes grief is powerful and knocks us down most unexpectedly. And when we fall down, our hope comes tumbling down with us. So we pick ourselves up. Because if we don’t have hope, what do we have?

In stark contrast to our grief, last week was quite a big achievement for our charity, Teddy’s Wish. We launched the website with the help and support of some truly amazing people. We also announced 3 fundraising projects we have been able to fund, which would not have been possible if it weren’t for the incredible generosity of others.

We hope these funds will go some way to help try and answer those recurring questions of how and why tragedies like ours can occur. We have to find answers so in time, there will be no more grieving parents.The charity has been set up because of Eddie but it is also for Eddie. We want to keep his memory alive. And more than that, we hope we will always make him proud of his mummy and daddy.

(our website can be seen here: http://www.teddyswish.org)


back to work

I am back at work. Back in an environment where I can temporarily remove myself from my grief and switch in to work mode. Like an actor, I know my script well and I can perform. My mask is firmly on and has little space for manoeuvre. 

I am working part-time for my sister’s company and I feel fortunate to be in an emotionally comfortable environment. But the biggest upside is being surrounded by adults. No kids. No babies. No danger of me bumping into buggies. It’s actually quite refreshing.

The rest of my time will be dedicated to our charity, Teddy’s Wish. The charity is where Chris and I feel most in balance as it allows us to move forward and grieve at the same time.

But there is still a long journey ahead of us, as we tentatively take each day at a time. Slowly we put one foot in front of the other. And at the forefront of our mind, is our darling baby boy. With us every step of the way.


a child’s dream

Our charity, Teddy’s Wish, is in full swing at the moment. My sister’s show designjunction has partnered with top British designers Anglepoise and ercol, to curate an exhibition exclusively for the show. Nineteen top designers have been invited to customise one of their products in response to the title ‘A Childs Dream’ and all bespoke designs will be displayed at the show. All products will be sold by silent auction and funds raised will go directly to Teddy’s Wish. It’s all very exciting.

I’m normally pretty savvy with social media but I’m behind the times with twitter. I have had to learn pretty quickly how it all works. Now it’s all hashtags, @ and re-tweets. I’m in a social media frenzy and my head is in an emotional spin. But it’s all worth it. Every time we get a mention or a like on our Facebook page, I know that Eddie is being remembered. And that makes me feel good.

I know it’s a lot to take on in such a short amount of time, but the charity is allowing us to do something positive in Eddie’s name. We know it won’t bring Eddie back but it may help others. And that would be a fitting tribute to honour our darling baby boy.

(More on the charity project can be read here: http://thedesignjunction.co.uk/charity/)


The first event

Yesterday was very emotional. Actually, every day is very emotional for us at the moment. But yesterday was particularly emotional as my amazing husband completed the 100 mile cycle Ride London event.  He braved the elements, and nearly retired because of a punctured tyre, but managed to complete the ride in 5 hrs 9 minutes. Chris was interviewed for the BBC straight after the event and spoke about the reasons why he did the cycle. It was, and always will be, for Eddie. I know Eddie will be so proud of his daddy, as I am, a very proud wife.

It has been an overwhelming few weeks. We’ve kickstarted Teddy’s Wish and the support has, quite simply, been phenomenal. And amongst all of this, we are still missing the most important ingredient of our lives. Our darling boy.

But  in Chris’s words “Edward, not only the next 100 miles are for you, but the rest of my life. I will love you forever. Xx”

Chris, you are my inspiration, my strength. You are my hero x

cp

candj


The bike ride

My emotions are in a bit of a flux at the moment. We launched our first fundraising event for Teddy’s Wish on Wednesday night and the support has been overwhelming. My incredible husband Chris, is going to cycle 100 miles in this year’s Ride London which takes place in August.

On the one hand we have been so touched by the wonderful, heartfelt messages and generous donations from around the world. But on the other hand it reminds us of our tragedy, the loss of our darling baby boy, Eddie.

In some ways, it brings us back to the beginning. It was the first time I had openly told everyone beyond close friends and family via social media. It was the first time I had published anything on social media since that fateful day. And it was the first time for many, to be told that we had lost our baby boy.

Nothing will take away the pain of losing our son but Teddy’s Wish provides us with hope and allows us to do something meaningful in Eddie’s name. One day we will find out why and we hope that one day, no parent will ever have to go through the same tragic loss that we have.

Chris’s fundraising page can be seen here: https://www.justgiving.com/teddyswish14/. Any support is greatly appreciated.


Moving forward…

I pondered over the title of this post before I hit the publish button. I am aware that there are actions we are taking that implies we are making progress, but progress does not seem fitting at a time like this. Moving forward feels more appropriate as it is something that we are doing, not through choice, but out of necessity. Time moves us forward unknowingly, unwillingly.

We are in the midst of setting up Teddy’s Wish, a charity that we hope will honour the memory of our darling boy. This is, in a sense, making progress. We have the final logo approved thanks to a very special and wonderful friend who has helped to make this happen. We are also in the process of getting the website designed and built whilst working through the endless paperwork at HRMC to get the charity registered. And importantly, we have a couple of fund raising projects that will happen in the next few months. First up, Chris is taking part in the ‘Ride London’ event in August which he is diligently training for.

Chris promised Eddie that we would live our lives for him, that we would make him proud of his mummy and daddy. This is our first step to achieving this. We love you Eddie and we always will x

 

13.teddy.head.and.star.teddys.wish.logo

 


%d bloggers like this: